The Aunt

Mallika Talwatte

Mallika Talwatte reflects on her experience of courtship during the 1940s and why she decided to remain single.

Interview language: English

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English

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That was my destiny

Most of my relations, the friends, they all knew my case. So sort of… I wasn’t made to feel uncomfortable, but I felt uncomfortable. Because… If I went to a function, especially to a wedding, I didn’t want to be the first to greet the couple, or to come face to face with the couple. As the couple walked in or something, I didn’t want to be seen. I thought I was unlucky because I wasn’t married.

Because there is this thing that if you remain unmarried, that person is not expected to be such a lucky person. So I used to always be in the background when there were social gatherings. I thought well, being single, I didn’t want to be the first to go and wish the couple.

Always when there was a couple getting married, it was the happily married, the lucky people, who went forward to greet them and all that. So when I had to be in the background, I did feel rather sad, but then I thought that was my destiny.

I lived with my mother… My mother lived to be ninety-five plus. So I lived with her and looked after her, I cared for her. I don’t miss anything because I have very caring brothers and sisters. Oh, they adore me! They always say you are not going to just die, just now; you have to live to be a hundred! They are extremely nice… I don’t miss not having children, because I consider them… all of them to be my children. I’m very fond of them and they are also equally fond of me.

I did feel rather sad, but I thought that was my destiny.

About this portrait

Photographer: Kannan Arunasalam, Menika van der Poorten

Interviewer: Kannan Arunasalam

Assistant: Menika van der Poorten

Editor: Kannan Arunasalam

Recorded: February 20, 2011

First published: August 5, 2023

Last edited: November 7, 2023

Comments

magerata

February 21, 2011 at 05:14 am

All of you are brilliant and continue to shine, brighter!
mel

February 22, 2011 at 06:36 pm

Very touching.
Chaminda Amerasinghe

February 28, 2011 at 09:46 am

Lovely collection of photographs :) Brings tears to the eyes.
Helga De Silva Blow Perera

March 5, 2011 at 11:59 am

Rendezvous with destiny. Good, admirable, 'soul'. Accepting karma. Being happy.
Shamil Ranasinghe

April 15, 2011 at 09:35 pm

I love this aunt...especially with her letting her niece and boyfriend meet at her place! :)
G

June 21, 2011 at 11:20 am

Touching.
Surani

August 29, 2011 at 09:30 am

I spoke to Ms. Mallika Talwatte, and she was interested in seeing this page, on print. She remembered being interviewed, and was thrilled to know that she was on the net.
Nilmini Hecox

July 14, 2016 at 09:53 pm

I am one of Mallika's "daughters". She is my mother's oldest sister and I spent the first year and a half of my life being cared for by my Loku (my name for her) and my Athamma as well as my mother. Although I live in the US now, I see Loku annually when I visit (in fact I am sitting at her dining room table right now). She came to be with me when I graduated from college in the US, was a big part in my own wedding almost 17 years ago, joined my mother to help care for my first-born in Denver and has been there during many more pivotal moments in my life. Loku's love is unconditional and she is one of the most important people in my life, as well a role model for me of true independence of spirit, courage, optimism, and love of life. Thank you for sharing just a glimpse of this very special aunt of mine with the world.
Nilmini Hecox

July 14, 2016 at 10:03 pm

Wow. Just watched all three clips. I knew my Loku had been engaged before but did not know it had been for four years. It also sounds like they had registered the marriage at some point (based on the reference to signature on the form). I did not know this detail either. A great twist to this story is that I wore the saree she had bought for her wedding at my own wedding almost 40 years after the day it was bought from India. My own mother had worn it as her bridal [saree] as well and I felt very blessed to have both their lives and hearts literally wrapped around me on my big day. I believe the saree has special powers since both brides who wore it continue to be happily married for 38 years and 17 years respectively :)
Kaushinie Panditaratne Weerasekare

March 6, 2017 at 03:28 am

During the time of my own hiatus which the whole of Kandy knew at the time, and afterwards it seemed, I saw kindness and gentleness mixed with deep understanding and sympathy in Aunty Mallika's eyes as we walked back from discussion sessions with Bhikku Bodhi at the Buddhist Publication Society. But she never hurt me by asking anything -- now I know how deeply she must have known my pain. Maybe it was an engagement, a 'notice-of-marriage' that was signed and not a registration of the same. I am not surprised that her saree brought luck -- I remember her as a person who has such a great heart and who yet takes her self lightly with humour. A true great lady of Kandy.